Lately I've been feeling down. Some things here and there have become mountains I need to climb. I know, I know, don't make a mountain out of a molehill, life is what you make it, but these things weren't molehills to begin with. And as long as I keep walking, as long as I muster up all the strength I know I have, I will pass these mountains and find a much better view. But as much as I know that things will be great, I can't help knowing that things right now are different. Change is good, but as of right now, change hurts.
I have many blessings to count, too many to count. To breathe. To have the luck of living comfortably. To have an education. To have a family. To have the kindest, most supportive friends I ever knew existed. To live in a country that is not painfully oppressive. To have a future, where the only real thing I need to worry about is taxes. To be blessed, with a fiery spirit, mind, and soul. To know that the best things in life, are the simple ones. To have loved and lost. To have obstacles to face, reminding me how much I am capable of. I have so many blessings, I could list them for ages. These blessings keep me going. I have no doubt that the Sun will shine and I will have many more blessings to count, but my heart is broken and I feel a little slow. Things take time to heal, but how long? I know it's not when are things appropriate, right now is appropriate, carpe diem. But when will hardship feel less like baggage, less like a lesson, and more like a passing story to tell? I don't hate hardship, I hate not knowing what to do with it.
All I know is to keep telling myself to count my blessings. Keep doing what I love to do. Keep my passions alive and stay driven. Keep finding more reasons to love and telling all the reasons to hate, "Screw you, I will not!" Keep looking ahead, no matter how much I want to look back. I am not a static character, I am a force to be reckoned with.
March 1 - I have an affinity for the Spanish language. I don't understand it very well but I'm in love with the passions and emotions it exudes in the most simplest of phrases. Of course, it's also a romantic language and it can pull of the "tackiest" romantic lines with the straightest face. Anyways, I was listening to the song "Difícil" by Juanes. It reminded me of this blog.
Esther :(
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that keeps me going is my relationship with Jesus. I climb over mountains not with my own strength but His in me. Life continues to be difficult but there's a wholeness and hope in and through it.
Esther, He loves you.
You, me, and Alyssa are going to do some heart pouring/talking this spring break. Get ready friend <3