Distracted, restless, and lying about with "nothing" to do

So it's been a month since I've blogged. Am I ashamed? Of course, but ideas haven't been-a flowing in my head. I was going through one entry a few weeks ago but the rhythm of it has completely drained (and it was turning out to be a long, long, long rant, so I decided to spare your precious time).

Also, I feel distracted.

Not by anything in particular but I feel distracted. Maybe restless. Most of my best friends are gone for the summer, I have a puppy (very sweet and more than a handful) to take care of, and I'm done with my summer semester of physics (an absolute blessing to be done but I'll admit, I miss the structure it added to my schedule and, well, I'm a sucker for learning). I had an enormous list of things I was excited to get to but I can't seem to motivate myself to get going. As of right now though, they feel more like a list of chores than a stress-relievers. You can guess that blogging is on that list...

Perhaps it's the summer blues kicking in. That cursed desire to lay around and do nothing or do anything meaningless. It's my summer vacation so I guess it's justified to stay idle, but even being idle makes my head and heart feel restless. I know I should be doing something, but what?

I really want to drive. Just drive along the longest stretch of road possible (get my kicks on Route 66?). Preferably out of the way of many cars so I can have the peace of mind of being alone. I'd like to go by a vintage motorcycle, or an old-school, worn-in Lincoln Town Car (you know the ones in the movies, where the front seat still seats 3 people, a large steering wheel, and a humongous trunk...the one from "That 70s Show" would be perfect). A pretty little Ducati or Suzuki bike, or a nice silver convertible Audi would be an amazing dream, but I don't need speed as much as I need a vehicle that matches my mood, and I just want an old, worn-down peaceful place to think. I have a feeling I'll need something aged to assist my thinking, especially since I don't want anyone around.

I can't drive without music. I need some acousticky, indie ballads. Bon Iver, The Temper Trap, Adele, Augustana, Imogen Heap, Mumford & Sons, Kina Grannis....long-drawn out melodious beauties. I'll throw in a few top-of-my-lungs sing-a-longs just for a few curveballs to keep me awake if I drive too long. I want to drive on a desert highway. I want the dry, hot and steamy air to hit me as I drive. Driving isn't complete without the windows rolled down and the feel of the wind enveloping your arms and fingers and shoving itself in your face, pushing your hair in every possible direction. I want to drive past stretches and stretches and stretches of sand and rocks and tumbleweed. I want to feel the sun press on my arms. I'll stick to the leather seats, but that'll be okay.

And I'll drive until nightfall. I'll stop at the side of the road and pull out a sleeping bag. If I'm smart enough, I won't have eaten much of the food I brought (if I was even smart enough to prepare for that). And if I'm clever enough, I'll start a fire and boil a can of whatever and make a burnt weenie. Maybe a smore if I'm up for dessert, but I just want to lay near a fire until it dies and stare at the stars. Just stare up and pass the time until I snuggle into a ball and fall asleep. Then the sun will rise and I'll wake up. Maybe I'll keep driving, but I don't have anything else in mind after watching the stars.

Unfortunately reality hits, and I don't have a car. Or money to fill the tank. Or a mother with enough guts to let me do whatever I want. There are too many "buts" tying me down. I hope one day to do this though. Just drive. With no end or beginning in sight. Just the here and now and spectacular or dreary scenery to inhale, all on my own.