This was from my short-lived (and when I say short-lived I mean three months worth of nine entries....yea, not short-lived more like lame) journal.
Someone in an elevator once said to me (As I recall it was more to anyone listening. Journal Me must be different from Current Me.) as he was looking out the glass window side (*ackhem* poor writing *coughcough*) at the bustle of shoppers and lively sales (it was Thanksgiving/Pre-Xmas), "Americans live fast. They do everything fast. They're born fast, they die fast." Really says a lot.
Side note: I looked up the word "reminisce" to check the spelling. Apparently the word refers to a recollection of enjoyable events and memories. Funny, I've been using it for the recollection of all memories, good and bad and sad. I notice myself recalling the sad more often than the happy. What a humanly thing to do.
9.7.11
8.7.11
Distracted, restless, and lying about with "nothing" to do
So it's been a month since I've blogged. Am I ashamed? Of course, but ideas haven't been-a flowing in my head. I was going through one entry a few weeks ago but the rhythm of it has completely drained (and it was turning out to be a long, long, long rant, so I decided to spare your precious time).
Also, I feel distracted.
Not by anything in particular but I feel distracted. Maybe restless. Most of my best friends are gone for the summer, I have a puppy (very sweet and more than a handful) to take care of, and I'm done with my summer semester of physics (an absolute blessing to be done but I'll admit, I miss the structure it added to my schedule and, well, I'm a sucker for learning). I had an enormous list of things I was excited to get to but I can't seem to motivate myself to get going. As of right now though, they feel more like a list of chores than a stress-relievers. You can guess that blogging is on that list...
Perhaps it's the summer blues kicking in. That cursed desire to lay around and do nothing or do anything meaningless. It's my summer vacation so I guess it's justified to stay idle, but even being idle makes my head and heart feel restless. I know I should be doing something, but what?
I really want to drive. Just drive along the longest stretch of road possible (get my kicks on Route 66?). Preferably out of the way of many cars so I can have the peace of mind of being alone. I'd like to go by a vintage motorcycle, or an old-school, worn-in Lincoln Town Car (you know the ones in the movies, where the front seat still seats 3 people, a large steering wheel, and a humongous trunk...the one from "That 70s Show" would be perfect). A pretty little Ducati or Suzuki bike, or a nice silver convertible Audi would be an amazing dream, but I don't need speed as much as I need a vehicle that matches my mood, and I just want an old, worn-down peaceful place to think. I have a feeling I'll need something aged to assist my thinking, especially since I don't want anyone around.
I can't drive without music. I need some acousticky, indie ballads. Bon Iver, The Temper Trap, Adele, Augustana, Imogen Heap, Mumford & Sons, Kina Grannis....long-drawn out melodious beauties. I'll throw in a few top-of-my-lungs sing-a-longs just for a few curveballs to keep me awake if I drive too long. I want to drive on a desert highway. I want the dry, hot and steamy air to hit me as I drive. Driving isn't complete without the windows rolled down and the feel of the wind enveloping your arms and fingers and shoving itself in your face, pushing your hair in every possible direction. I want to drive past stretches and stretches and stretches of sand and rocks and tumbleweed. I want to feel the sun press on my arms. I'll stick to the leather seats, but that'll be okay.
And I'll drive until nightfall. I'll stop at the side of the road and pull out a sleeping bag. If I'm smart enough, I won't have eaten much of the food I brought (if I was even smart enough to prepare for that). And if I'm clever enough, I'll start a fire and boil a can of whatever and make a burnt weenie. Maybe a smore if I'm up for dessert, but I just want to lay near a fire until it dies and stare at the stars. Just stare up and pass the time until I snuggle into a ball and fall asleep. Then the sun will rise and I'll wake up. Maybe I'll keep driving, but I don't have anything else in mind after watching the stars.
Unfortunately reality hits, and I don't have a car. Or money to fill the tank. Or a mother with enough guts to let me do whatever I want. There are too many "buts" tying me down. I hope one day to do this though. Just drive. With no end or beginning in sight. Just the here and now and spectacular or dreary scenery to inhale, all on my own.
Also, I feel distracted.
Not by anything in particular but I feel distracted. Maybe restless. Most of my best friends are gone for the summer, I have a puppy (very sweet and more than a handful) to take care of, and I'm done with my summer semester of physics (an absolute blessing to be done but I'll admit, I miss the structure it added to my schedule and, well, I'm a sucker for learning). I had an enormous list of things I was excited to get to but I can't seem to motivate myself to get going. As of right now though, they feel more like a list of chores than a stress-relievers. You can guess that blogging is on that list...
Perhaps it's the summer blues kicking in. That cursed desire to lay around and do nothing or do anything meaningless. It's my summer vacation so I guess it's justified to stay idle, but even being idle makes my head and heart feel restless. I know I should be doing something, but what?
I really want to drive. Just drive along the longest stretch of road possible (get my kicks on Route 66?). Preferably out of the way of many cars so I can have the peace of mind of being alone. I'd like to go by a vintage motorcycle, or an old-school, worn-in Lincoln Town Car (you know the ones in the movies, where the front seat still seats 3 people, a large steering wheel, and a humongous trunk...the one from "That 70s Show" would be perfect). A pretty little Ducati or Suzuki bike, or a nice silver convertible Audi would be an amazing dream, but I don't need speed as much as I need a vehicle that matches my mood, and I just want an old, worn-down peaceful place to think. I have a feeling I'll need something aged to assist my thinking, especially since I don't want anyone around.
I can't drive without music. I need some acousticky, indie ballads. Bon Iver, The Temper Trap, Adele, Augustana, Imogen Heap, Mumford & Sons, Kina Grannis....long-drawn out melodious beauties. I'll throw in a few top-of-my-lungs sing-a-longs just for a few curveballs to keep me awake if I drive too long. I want to drive on a desert highway. I want the dry, hot and steamy air to hit me as I drive. Driving isn't complete without the windows rolled down and the feel of the wind enveloping your arms and fingers and shoving itself in your face, pushing your hair in every possible direction. I want to drive past stretches and stretches and stretches of sand and rocks and tumbleweed. I want to feel the sun press on my arms. I'll stick to the leather seats, but that'll be okay.
And I'll drive until nightfall. I'll stop at the side of the road and pull out a sleeping bag. If I'm smart enough, I won't have eaten much of the food I brought (if I was even smart enough to prepare for that). And if I'm clever enough, I'll start a fire and boil a can of whatever and make a burnt weenie. Maybe a smore if I'm up for dessert, but I just want to lay near a fire until it dies and stare at the stars. Just stare up and pass the time until I snuggle into a ball and fall asleep. Then the sun will rise and I'll wake up. Maybe I'll keep driving, but I don't have anything else in mind after watching the stars.
Unfortunately reality hits, and I don't have a car. Or money to fill the tank. Or a mother with enough guts to let me do whatever I want. There are too many "buts" tying me down. I hope one day to do this though. Just drive. With no end or beginning in sight. Just the here and now and spectacular or dreary scenery to inhale, all on my own.
6.6.11
Dreams
I had a weird dream last night. Well, last morning to be exact, some time between my bouts of refusal to wake up and greet the attractive and equally unattractive sun. It was more uncomfortable than weird. See, I rarely remember my dreams anymore, which I find unfortunate but it happens. The dreams that I have been able to recall usually aren't that great either, and leave me upset. I don't want to share the details of my dreams here but what made my dream uncomfortable was the familiarity of it, the characters specifically, and the fact the events I dreamed were plausible.
It wasn't a good dream. As I said before, I have trouble moving on. If the period of an event is only a chapter, I have sometimes have difficulty accepting that it cannot become an epic. In other words, all epics may have started merely as short stories or chapters, but not all chapters and short stories will become epics. My dream reminded me that some things in life are chapters. The characters in my dream looked familiar but were not the same. I was in a safe, familiar place but something felt harsh, calculating, and unkind. Not frightening, but alarming. And what's worse is that when I woke up, I felt that my dream could happen in real life.
Imagine, just imagine, if our dreams really did mean something in our living life. I'm not talking about Inception or some other prophesizing orb, just that what if our dreams were plain and simple a reflection of our lives, metaphorically, actually, physically, spiritually, all the -lys. It would be quite a blessing and a curse. A blessing to know and a curse to know...my, my what a tangled thing to weave. Perhaps this is just one of things where ignorance is bliss and knowing too much is more precarious than necessary.
It wasn't a good dream. As I said before, I have trouble moving on. If the period of an event is only a chapter, I have sometimes have difficulty accepting that it cannot become an epic. In other words, all epics may have started merely as short stories or chapters, but not all chapters and short stories will become epics. My dream reminded me that some things in life are chapters. The characters in my dream looked familiar but were not the same. I was in a safe, familiar place but something felt harsh, calculating, and unkind. Not frightening, but alarming. And what's worse is that when I woke up, I felt that my dream could happen in real life.
Imagine, just imagine, if our dreams really did mean something in our living life. I'm not talking about Inception or some other prophesizing orb, just that what if our dreams were plain and simple a reflection of our lives, metaphorically, actually, physically, spiritually, all the -lys. It would be quite a blessing and a curse. A blessing to know and a curse to know...my, my what a tangled thing to weave. Perhaps this is just one of things where ignorance is bliss and knowing too much is more precarious than necessary.
29.5.11
Torn
It's late (well 1:30 am is actually early...). My eyes are drifting and feeling very sleepy but I haven't blogged in a while and it's time for a spur of the moment (should only take 30 minutes tops right?).
Let's see, yesterday I did a presentation at my church about global poverty and global health with hopes of raising awareness for such causes. In my mind people need to be active about it. It often sounds very impossible to eradicate poverty but in my mind it doesn't mean it's not worth aspiring to attain it. Pessimistically, we may never even make a dent but optimistically, we can at least change the life of one person who could help the life of another and a chain reaction starts and in the end we find out we've actually made that "dent."
But that's just a side note, not really what I wanted to say. I wanted to talk about the word "torn." One issue of approaching global poverty is being torn over where to start first. How do I know where to start? What issues seem most important to me? It's really impossible to choose one or eliminate any. Education, health (epidemics, child health, maternal health), gender equality, environmental sustainability, global partnership including financial and political transparency, or nutrition. Torn? Very much so. It's impossible to decide what needs to be "fixed" first. However the associate priest at my church pointed out it's good to be torn. Good to be torn. Not that it's stressful, daunting, and can stop us from even doing anything, but it is very much good to be torn. It can be motivating, a powerful push to untangle the knot that makes us torn and confused of what our priorities (the real ones versus the quote-unquote ones) are.
And this feeling of being torn extends to everything, every situation, every conflict. On a day to day basis I'm torn about something. I have issues with letting go. I'm torn between the past that I concretely understand and a future where that sameness I'm striving for doesn't exist simply because it can't. It sounds foolish, being torn between staying put and moving on. But things aren't always "fair" and that's okay, it's okay. Where was a going with this....it's "late" and I honestly don't remember now. But it's a relief to be torn and it's a relief to know that things just happen, for what reason I don't always know, or have to know...oh jeez, that's whole blob of shtuff to be torn about. What a strong finish E.Chow...G'night.
Let's see, yesterday I did a presentation at my church about global poverty and global health with hopes of raising awareness for such causes. In my mind people need to be active about it. It often sounds very impossible to eradicate poverty but in my mind it doesn't mean it's not worth aspiring to attain it. Pessimistically, we may never even make a dent but optimistically, we can at least change the life of one person who could help the life of another and a chain reaction starts and in the end we find out we've actually made that "dent."
But that's just a side note, not really what I wanted to say. I wanted to talk about the word "torn." One issue of approaching global poverty is being torn over where to start first. How do I know where to start? What issues seem most important to me? It's really impossible to choose one or eliminate any. Education, health (epidemics, child health, maternal health), gender equality, environmental sustainability, global partnership including financial and political transparency, or nutrition. Torn? Very much so. It's impossible to decide what needs to be "fixed" first. However the associate priest at my church pointed out it's good to be torn. Good to be torn. Not that it's stressful, daunting, and can stop us from even doing anything, but it is very much good to be torn. It can be motivating, a powerful push to untangle the knot that makes us torn and confused of what our priorities (the real ones versus the quote-unquote ones) are.
And this feeling of being torn extends to everything, every situation, every conflict. On a day to day basis I'm torn about something. I have issues with letting go. I'm torn between the past that I concretely understand and a future where that sameness I'm striving for doesn't exist simply because it can't. It sounds foolish, being torn between staying put and moving on. But things aren't always "fair" and that's okay, it's okay. Where was a going with this....it's "late" and I honestly don't remember now. But it's a relief to be torn and it's a relief to know that things just happen, for what reason I don't always know, or have to know...oh jeez, that's whole blob of shtuff to be torn about. What a strong finish E.Chow...G'night.
7.5.11
Happy [Early] Mother's Day
I know! Two blog posts in one day? Must mean I'm definitely not doing anywork..teehee. But I really wanted to write about this now and since it's a different topic from my post of some minutes ago it deserves a separate entry.
Last night I watched a video by The Jubilee Project, a group headed by three people who make beautiful videos for amazing causes. I think they're very inspiring and everyone should be informed about the causes they stand for. Their latest video is in honor of Mother's Day (which is tomorrow!). There's a rising campaign for universal maternal health (Millenium Development Goal 5). Too many women die each day from complications in pregnancy, of which could have easily been prevented had there been a proper medical facility nearby, reasonable transportation, clean sanitation, and so many other reasons that seem oh-so-basic to us and others living in developed nations. The Jubilee Project (along with many other notable sponsors) created a video in which people were asked what the world would be like without moms. It included some fantastic stories and reminded me how lucky I am to have my mom (and my dad!) in my life. The video even included one of my role models, Paul Farmer, founder of Partners in Health, a fantastic organization dedicated to supplying services to alleviate disease (HIV/AIDs being one of their core focuses) and poverty.
But enough talk from me, just watch the video. And share it with your friends and family!
And learn more about the issues of universal maternal health from Every Mother Counts, a great organization that's part of the movement.
Last night I watched a video by The Jubilee Project, a group headed by three people who make beautiful videos for amazing causes. I think they're very inspiring and everyone should be informed about the causes they stand for. Their latest video is in honor of Mother's Day (which is tomorrow!). There's a rising campaign for universal maternal health (Millenium Development Goal 5). Too many women die each day from complications in pregnancy, of which could have easily been prevented had there been a proper medical facility nearby, reasonable transportation, clean sanitation, and so many other reasons that seem oh-so-basic to us and others living in developed nations. The Jubilee Project (along with many other notable sponsors) created a video in which people were asked what the world would be like without moms. It included some fantastic stories and reminded me how lucky I am to have my mom (and my dad!) in my life. The video even included one of my role models, Paul Farmer, founder of Partners in Health, a fantastic organization dedicated to supplying services to alleviate disease (HIV/AIDs being one of their core focuses) and poverty.
But enough talk from me, just watch the video. And share it with your friends and family!
And learn more about the issues of universal maternal health from Every Mother Counts, a great organization that's part of the movement.
Senseless Thoughts
Ah, my first academic yea in college is ending. I, of course, want to write a reflection within the next week or two, but here's a silly, senseless one to start. Enjoy =]
College Baby: Check! Just need to record some more "firsts"
College Toddler: Agh, jumpstarts in two weeks!
College Child: And life is amazing! (more so than I already thought...or is it "think"?)
College Tween: So excited but I don't even want to think about it...these days won't ever come [to an end], right?
College Teen: Agh, stressful but oh-so-thrilling!!
Where is the adult? Silly goose, no one ever grows up in college...
(Get it? Sí? ^_^)
College Baby: Check! Just need to record some more "firsts"
College Toddler: Agh, jumpstarts in two weeks!
College Child: And life is amazing! (more so than I already thought...or is it "think"?)
College Tween: So excited but I don't even want to think about it...these days won't ever come [to an end], right?
College Teen: Agh, stressful but oh-so-thrilling!!
Where is the adult? Silly goose, no one ever grows up in college...
(Get it? Sí? ^_^)
5.5.11
Things that make me angry...
I hate being angry and I should be studying, but the news has been quite a bully lately. Here's some examples.
As much as if is good news that one of the world's most vicious terrorists is finally gone, I'm not one to celebrate death (in general) and I'm certainly not going to belief the death of one person will change much of anything in the name of terrorism....well, in the name of anything really.
I am absolutely appalled.
And this just really upset me.
Finally, what happened to Japan and Libya and Egypt? Or Haiti? And I'm sure there's many more unheard stories out there, but unfortunately, the happenings of the royal family were more important. The couple has my best wishes, but imagine if that money was spent on something else. Like evolving the world to adapt to this startling news.
As much as if is good news that one of the world's most vicious terrorists is finally gone, I'm not one to celebrate death (in general) and I'm certainly not going to belief the death of one person will change much of anything in the name of terrorism....well, in the name of anything really.
I am absolutely appalled.
And this just really upset me.
Finally, what happened to Japan and Libya and Egypt? Or Haiti? And I'm sure there's many more unheard stories out there, but unfortunately, the happenings of the royal family were more important. The couple has my best wishes, but imagine if that money was spent on something else. Like evolving the world to adapt to this startling news.
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